Yeah it's been 2 weeks since I've written anything. Sorry to disappoint you all, but I've had a lot of my own stuff going on lately, and writing about my problems at home hasn't exactly been my idea of fun. I definately wanted to give you something though, so that you don't all abandon my poor piece of existance and only real outlet. Things at home are still a mess. Actually, they got a little bit worse when my aunt’s brother sent her an e-mail a couple weeks ago, expressing his concern for her health and sanity. After my aunt’s anger subsided, she spent a week patronizing the e-mail.
“Oh, well I’m just an alcoholic…and I don’t care about anybody but myself, and you’re all enablers,” she would say in a very quiet voice…as if looking for sympathy. It was ridiculous.
The e-mail that her brother sent her stated that my cousin is now saying that my aunt also molested her. I’m trying really hard to stay out of this mess, but my aunt keeps trying to bring me into it. It really is heart breaking to see her crying hysterically, saying, “All I ever wanted was to have a child – a daughter…and I got my wish! I got my baby girl…and she has hurt me more than anybody else in this entire world! My own flesh and blood, the one thing I’ve wanted my entire life, and she’s killing me!” Yeah…intense. It sucks, but she really did bring it upon herself.
The part that gets me is that after my aunt told me this, she was crying and wanted a hug. So, I hug her, and all I can think about is how badly she smelled, and I wondered when her last shower was. I mean, I thought I was gonna heave. I’m so shallow.
In other news, my aunt hasn’t had any more incidents with painkillers or muscle relaxers. Go Prozac!
Friday, March 30, 2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
Monday, March 12th
My uncle smoothed things over with my cousin yesterday and managed to get her to take down that bulletin from MySpace. Sugar Daddy was at my house visiting my aunt because it was his birthday, and I found out from him that he was literally ready to empty his bank account and flee to Nicaragua. He's a boat captain, and he was worried that the Coast Guard was gonna come after him since she posted his name on the internet. I'm trying to decide whether or not that seems like something that an innocent man would do. Flee the country, I mean. Anyways, all he wanted for his birthday was for my uncle to talk my cousin into removing that bulletin, which she did.
After Sugar Daddy left, my uncle kept going on and on about, "Well at least we got her to take the stuff off the internet. That's all that matters right now. Today is a good day. Nobody's going to fight today. The fact that -my cousin's name- removed that stuff makes today so good that nobody is going to ruin it."
This, naturally, was immediately followed by my uncle bitching about something petty...then cutting himself short and announcing, "No, no...I forgot...today's a good day. No bitching. I'll stop." This cycle repeated itself every 20-30 minutes all day long. It was more annoying than any recent 'normal' day. Though, we all know that there aren't very many of those at my house.
My aunt got into an argument over the weekend with The Lapdog because he told her that he's concerned for her sanity. The thing about The Lapdog is that he does whatever my aunt says, but he's the first person to tell her when she's wrong or being unreasonable. On Friday night, for example, when she started screaming at me, he defended me and told her, "That wasn't necessary!!"...which resulted in another fight between them.
I was compared to a clam by a friend of mine yesterday. Yeah, he said that I have this hard outer shell, but I'm actually soft on the inside...and that as soon as somebody starts to get close to me, I close myself up and won't let them near me anymore. This is a pretty true analogy. The way I look at it...if that clam stays open when other people or things get close to it, they might kick sand into of it...and that poor clam will have to sit there and work on getting rid of all that sand. Why bother, right? I guess that when people tell me that they're concerned about me I should come up with a different response than "I'm fine" because nobody seems to be buying it.
After Sugar Daddy left, my uncle kept going on and on about, "Well at least we got her to take the stuff off the internet. That's all that matters right now. Today is a good day. Nobody's going to fight today. The fact that -my cousin's name- removed that stuff makes today so good that nobody is going to ruin it."
This, naturally, was immediately followed by my uncle bitching about something petty...then cutting himself short and announcing, "No, no...I forgot...today's a good day. No bitching. I'll stop." This cycle repeated itself every 20-30 minutes all day long. It was more annoying than any recent 'normal' day. Though, we all know that there aren't very many of those at my house.
My aunt got into an argument over the weekend with The Lapdog because he told her that he's concerned for her sanity. The thing about The Lapdog is that he does whatever my aunt says, but he's the first person to tell her when she's wrong or being unreasonable. On Friday night, for example, when she started screaming at me, he defended me and told her, "That wasn't necessary!!"...which resulted in another fight between them.
I was compared to a clam by a friend of mine yesterday. Yeah, he said that I have this hard outer shell, but I'm actually soft on the inside...and that as soon as somebody starts to get close to me, I close myself up and won't let them near me anymore. This is a pretty true analogy. The way I look at it...if that clam stays open when other people or things get close to it, they might kick sand into of it...and that poor clam will have to sit there and work on getting rid of all that sand. Why bother, right? I guess that when people tell me that they're concerned about me I should come up with a different response than "I'm fine" because nobody seems to be buying it.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Saturday, March 10th
What a wild ride. The last 24 hours of my life have been a fucking nightmare. From the time I got home from work last night, I've been wanting to find a hole to crawl into to hide. My house is like a war zone, and it started with my uncle hanging up on my cousin when they were talking on the phone. I guess she told him that she has terrible parents. He, naturally, got upset (it was his birthday) and hung up on her. He then decided that he wanted all the pictures of his daughter taken off of my aunt's computer, which sits in the living room. My aunt flipped out on him for touching her computer, and pulled the power plug to it. Basically, it only escalated from there, and I walked into this whole situation without knowing about it. I went to use the computer when I got home from work, and my aunt exploded on me - just absolutely went off. I slowly got up and walked away...facing her the whole time (psychos throw things at you...so I needed to watch for projectiles) and went to my room to cry. I never cry...so this was kinda bad. I've just kinda gotten used to the problems here and problems in life and have learned to deal with them...but last night got to me.
This changes things.
Me: +2
Psycho Bitch: +1
Damn - she's closing that gap.
Then came the phone call this morning from my mom. She called my aunt to read her a bulletin that my cousin posted on MySpace, which I've pasted for you to read here (all spelling and grammar errors were left the way she typed them, and I removed names):
"This is real: Iv'e done nothing wrong and I've only told the truth. My parents don't know how to be parents. My mom she's an alchoholic and smokes marajuana she could care less about me. My dad I used to think he was cool and he dose'nt belive me when I tell him I was mollested by my moms "trusted" friend. I was mollested by -name removed- he's a fucking pervert and i want his A** in jail! the rest of my family belives me wy can't my EX-parents. im tired of them choosing what they want over me. So i say screw them im better off without them. Just in case any of my mom's friends read this tell her that i hate her and my dad thev'e done nothing but almost killed me. Iv'e slit my wrist to the pint where ive not even noticed the physical pain but focused on the damn mental pain. All my sorrow is all their fault. i never want to speak to those a-holes again! And as for -name removed- his ass in is in deep f****** trouble. He helped f-up my life now ill help F-up his. when hes in jail the only action hell get is a big immate behind him when he drops the soap."
So. Yeah. I dunno.
I talked to my ex boyfriend this morning, and he told me that I'm rotting and dying inside. Ooo. I must be loads of fun to hang out with, huh?
That's all for now. I promise I won't cry again. I'm stronger than that.
This changes things.
Me: +2
Psycho Bitch: +1
Damn - she's closing that gap.
Then came the phone call this morning from my mom. She called my aunt to read her a bulletin that my cousin posted on MySpace, which I've pasted for you to read here (all spelling and grammar errors were left the way she typed them, and I removed names):
"This is real: Iv'e done nothing wrong and I've only told the truth. My parents don't know how to be parents. My mom she's an alchoholic and smokes marajuana she could care less about me. My dad I used to think he was cool and he dose'nt belive me when I tell him I was mollested by my moms "trusted" friend. I was mollested by -name removed- he's a fucking pervert and i want his A** in jail! the rest of my family belives me wy can't my EX-parents. im tired of them choosing what they want over me. So i say screw them im better off without them. Just in case any of my mom's friends read this tell her that i hate her and my dad thev'e done nothing but almost killed me. Iv'e slit my wrist to the pint where ive not even noticed the physical pain but focused on the damn mental pain. All my sorrow is all their fault. i never want to speak to those a-holes again! And as for -name removed- his ass in is in deep f****** trouble. He helped f-up my life now ill help F-up his. when hes in jail the only action hell get is a big immate behind him when he drops the soap."
So. Yeah. I dunno.
I talked to my ex boyfriend this morning, and he told me that I'm rotting and dying inside. Ooo. I must be loads of fun to hang out with, huh?
That's all for now. I promise I won't cry again. I'm stronger than that.
Friday, March 9, 2007
Things My Uncle Taught Me
The 405 Freeway is full of women who put their foot up on the dashboard and point the A/C vent at their crotch to cool it down.
I personally have never seen this, but my uncle insists that it's true.
"They air out their crotch with the air conditioner? Why on Earth would they do that? I've never heard of that, nor have I seen it."
"Really? I see it all the time! Yeah, they do it because their crotch is all sweaty."
Excuse me while I go vomit.
I'm sorry, but I'm a twenty-something year old girl, living in Los Angeles during the 21st century, and even I find it hard to believe that this is true. Do you see dead people too, uncle?
I personally have never seen this, but my uncle insists that it's true.
"They air out their crotch with the air conditioner? Why on Earth would they do that? I've never heard of that, nor have I seen it."
"Really? I see it all the time! Yeah, they do it because their crotch is all sweaty."
Excuse me while I go vomit.
I'm sorry, but I'm a twenty-something year old girl, living in Los Angeles during the 21st century, and even I find it hard to believe that this is true. Do you see dead people too, uncle?
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Tuesday, March 6th
Last night I stayed away from home and spent time with a friend of mine. We watched DVDs, ate cheesecake and grilled cheese sandwiches, and drank Alize. It was pretty ghetto fabulous.
Being at home feels like babysitting, and I hate kids.
I did, however, wake my aunt up when I came through the front door at 2a.m. this morning! She was not pleased. Therefore...
Me: +2
Psycho Bitch: 0
Man, I love having the upper hand.
Sugar Daddy was at our house this morning, and I'd be lying to say that I wasn't eavesdropping on his conversation with my aunt while I was getting ready for work. Man it's appalling to hear a mother say, "That little bitch is full of shit," about her own daughter.
And people say 'kids are cruel'? I think my aunt just poured the chocolatey topping on the cruel sundae.
Ooo...I think I want a sundae.
Being at home feels like babysitting, and I hate kids.
I did, however, wake my aunt up when I came through the front door at 2a.m. this morning! She was not pleased. Therefore...
Me: +2
Psycho Bitch: 0
Man, I love having the upper hand.
Sugar Daddy was at our house this morning, and I'd be lying to say that I wasn't eavesdropping on his conversation with my aunt while I was getting ready for work. Man it's appalling to hear a mother say, "That little bitch is full of shit," about her own daughter.
And people say 'kids are cruel'? I think my aunt just poured the chocolatey topping on the cruel sundae.
Ooo...I think I want a sundae.
Monday, March 5, 2007
Monday, March 5th
If it seems to you like my last several entries have been more depressing than funny, that's because things at my house aren't exactly slapstick right now. My aunt has completely disowned her daughter because her daughter is accusing Sugar Daddy of molestation. My aunt says that her daughter is lying, and has completely taken Sugar Daddy's side. The Lapdog has even taken his side because he does whatever my aunt says. I personally haven't taken a side in any of this because it's really none of my fucking business. These people are not physically related to me, and this is getting really serious. My uncle asked me what I think he should do, and I told him that I don't want to get involved.
I did, however, tell him that coming from a girl's standpoint, if I told my parents that a friend of the family had molested me, and they still let him come around the house, it would mean that they don't care whether or not it's true. The issue of whether it's true or not is something completely different...but by letting him come to the house still, it would show me that they don't care. I told my uncle that he shouldn't let Sugar Daddy come to the house anymore because of that, and because if he and my aunt do end up getting a divorce and this whole molestation thing comes up in court, it would raise a serious "quality of parenting" issue if he wanted to try to gain custody of my cousin, yet let this man come to his house after he had been told about the possible molestation.
So anyways, let's move away from that whole mess and talk about me. I mean...this is my blog. I've been spending my nights drowning away my homicidal urges (not really) with beer and Oreos. It's really helping. I've been kinda depressed lately, and therefore wanting to do nothing but sleep. I can't seem to sleep enough. Last night, I was having trouble sleeping, so I stayed on the computer (that sits 2ft. from the sofa my aunt sleeps on) all night (like, until 4a.m.) when she had to be up early for a doctors appointment this morning. She was pretty pissed at me. And it was pretty awesome.
Me: +1
Psycho Bitch: 0
Woot!
I did, however, tell him that coming from a girl's standpoint, if I told my parents that a friend of the family had molested me, and they still let him come around the house, it would mean that they don't care whether or not it's true. The issue of whether it's true or not is something completely different...but by letting him come to the house still, it would show me that they don't care. I told my uncle that he shouldn't let Sugar Daddy come to the house anymore because of that, and because if he and my aunt do end up getting a divorce and this whole molestation thing comes up in court, it would raise a serious "quality of parenting" issue if he wanted to try to gain custody of my cousin, yet let this man come to his house after he had been told about the possible molestation.
So anyways, let's move away from that whole mess and talk about me. I mean...this is my blog. I've been spending my nights drowning away my homicidal urges (not really) with beer and Oreos. It's really helping. I've been kinda depressed lately, and therefore wanting to do nothing but sleep. I can't seem to sleep enough. Last night, I was having trouble sleeping, so I stayed on the computer (that sits 2ft. from the sofa my aunt sleeps on) all night (like, until 4a.m.) when she had to be up early for a doctors appointment this morning. She was pretty pissed at me. And it was pretty awesome.
Me: +1
Psycho Bitch: 0
Woot!
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