Tuesday, February 27th

The nicotine-stained walls in my house have white squares in random places because my aunt has taken down all of the religious pictures or paintings that used to be there. My aunt comes from a long line of pastors. Her brother, father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were all pastors, and she was brought up in a family that ran a church. Think what you want about churches and organized religion - that's all beside the point. The point is that she was brought up in this type of family, and has now removed any semblance of God or Christianity in general from our house.

"God doesn't exist. I'm sure of it. If God existed, I wouldn't have to deal with these problems, and I wouldn't have had to live the type of life I've had to live. When you die, that's it. There's nothing left. I'm sure of it."

I can't efficiently explain to any of you how significant this is. Granted, my aunt hasn't exactly lived a life of righteousness, but it's still a big deal.

The Lapdog and my aunt had another one of their usually alcohol-induced fights that end with them both crying. Last night's was because my aunt misses Sugar Daddy (who just got back from Costa Rica and came to our house this morning), hates her daughter, and wants to kill herself.

Is it so wrong for me to just get irritated with all of this, and not be the least bit concerned? I feel so callous and cold for not caring because I feel like I should...but no matter how hard I try, I just don't. I feel bad for my uncle, and I feel bad for their daughter in Arizona. As for my aunt, I feel like she has brought this all upon herself, and that all she's doing is crying out for attention. As for her suicide attempt, I feel that she is being completely self-centered by not caring that she almost left her 13-year old daughter without a mother.

That's all I really have for now. I just needed to vent, and I wanted to tell you all about the box of Jesus nick-knacks that is sitting by the door, waiting to be thrown out.