Friday, January 26th

How hard is it to order a pizza? I mean really. Not hard, right? Well if you were at my house last night, you'd think it required a PhD. My aunt's friend was over (really, he's her lapdog) and he waits on her hand and foot. It's disgusting. So my aunt exclaims, "I want a burger! No! I want pizza!" Dude...it's 10pm on a Thursday night in the ghetto. "Yes, dear. You tell me what you'd like and I'll take care of it," he replies. I think I just threw up a little bit.

This is where it gets entertaining.

He calls this little local pizza place that we always order from. One of those places that has like, 2 different locations with dirt-cheap pizza and nobody speaks English when you call to order, but the pizza kicks ass. So he calls this place, and instead of somebody answering, he gets a fax machine. He tries again. Fax machine. Tries again. Fax machine. This goes on for about 10 minutes (no joke) before he decides to call Directory Assistance to ask them for the number. Why? I don't know. My uncle (being the stupi-visor that he is) takes the phone and tries dialing the number also. By this point, the fax machine wasn't answering anymore, but the phone was just ringing and ringing with no answer.

I think they're closed?

"No - they can't be closed! They must be out of business! Oh my god, I can't believe they went out of business! Their pizza was so good! How is that possible?!"

Me: sigh.

What now? Well, Pizza Hut of course! Out comes the phone book, my aunt's friend is flying through the yellow pages...."A-ha! Pizza Hut! But...which one?"

"Um, maybe the one in Inglewood?"

"But there's 2 in Inglewood!"

"Ok...so...maybe the one with the closest address?"

"Ah! Good point!"

I roll my eyes and go hide in the kitchen. This is driving me crazy to watch.

The first Pizza Hut doesn't deliver to our area. Neither does the second one. "Do any of them deliver here???" He calls the corporate office and files a complaint against both locations. "It's completely unacceptable that we can't order pizza from your company when we have cash in our hands and are ready to pay."

Now my drunk aunt is freaking out because she thinks the corporate office is going to take our pizza order and force somebody to deliver it (sigh) so she starts screaming - loud enough to be heard through the phone - "No, I don't want loogies! No loogie pizzas! Oh my god there's gonna be loogies! Oh my god there's gonna be loogies! LOOGIES!!!"

Finally he orders from Dominoes and is sure to tell both the poor girl who was unfortunate enough to answer the phone, and the unsuspecting delivery driver that had to bring the pizza to my pyschotic household the entire story about how the first place must have gone out of business, how Pizza Hut wouldn't deliver to us, and so now they have a new customer.

Oh. My. God.